If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
