Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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