I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
