this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
