I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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