Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
