how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
