I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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