hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
