Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
