bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
