worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Randomize
