first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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