I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my god I love twenty year old dicks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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