So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
