It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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