Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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