I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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