Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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