well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
