I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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