if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
