I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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