I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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