i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
