So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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