I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
