I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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