My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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