READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
