i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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