dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
