If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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