That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
