I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
