just come out here and I will go home with you...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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