don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize