Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
