nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
