When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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