Cold hands, warm shart.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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