get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
