When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
