Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
