ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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