I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
