K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
