I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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