Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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