Say something about gay babies.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
