matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
