cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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