Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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