a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
