just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
