I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
