I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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