I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did i walk over a car last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize