Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
