Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
