just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
