this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
