Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
