You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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