Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
