Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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