Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
