they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
