addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
