So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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